So overwhelmed with the idea of returning to school that I started watching Psyche. There isn’t enough time for me to complete any of the goals on my list so it’s like I stalled completely because I can’t handle it. Not. Ready.
I’m sort of pissy today. No particular reason. Just tired of shit.
And the number of posts I favorite of Ryan’s tells me why we are friends.
I am excited to go back to school and have a gym and swing dance and physics friends. For the first week of classes where they are fun and not stressful. Astro friends and making Sierra and my apartment cute. (PS how do you say that properly? Sierra and mine? No clue.) I’m excited for Riot Fest and campus in the fall. Hopefully adventures and coffee and tea and feeling like I belong.
I’m nervous about anxiety and exams and being overwhelmed. I’m scared to not be preparing for grad school yet. I’m nervous that I don’t have anything to show for research and really I’ve done the least extra academic things out of everyone I know. And those few things can outweigh my happy thoughts.
I’m mad that I’ve been acting like a mini responsible adult my whole life and now I’ve finally came out of my shell and I want to be reckless and carefree but I’m in the years I’m supposed to grow up.
In need of 4 AM drunk-due-to-sleeplessness honesty.